#564 - Shooting Range

                                  Warning: Zapper does not fire actual lasers.

                                Welp, I'm horrified. Well done, Shooting Range.


PLAYERS: 1-4 alternating

PUBLISHER: Bandai

DEVELOPER: TOSE

GENRE: Zapper

RELEASE DATE: June 1989

Today's outdoor "shooting range" implies real guns, earplugs, and precious antique cans. According to Bandai, a Shooting Range is a three-level Zapper tech demo that spans from the Wild West to Transylvania to the deep black of Space. In each level, targets are attached to moving people/creatures. Scroll through each two-screened level, and shoot as many targets as possible. If you miss, your Energy bar decreases, as does your inflated sense of self-esteem. Sometimes the targets will leave icons to power-up your energy, increase your time limit, or give you more points. Shoot those too because if you don't, they'll disappear. After you beat the three levels (plus one nutso bottle-breaking bonus stage), you can play them again on a harder difficulty or play Party Mode. In Party Mode, you shoot targets that rise out of holes a la Whack-A-Mole for 400 seconds; it is not quite the party that its name suggests. Three other players can shoot with you on the Shooting Range, but it's one person at a time; no cuts, even if you brought your own Zapper. Can you imagine four Zappers on a NES Fourscore, each person shooting in vain at the screen? That's almost as ludicrous as four Game Boy Advances plugged into a Gamecube! Shooting Range is about as dry and worthless as games get on the NES. You'd be better off shooting real bullets into an old Campbell's Soup receptacle.

D

#563 - Shockwave

        What is wrong with that spaceman's body? I'd say see a doctor, but fat chance!

                                          "Hello... is there anybody in there?"


PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: American Game Cartridges

DEVELOPER: American Game Cartridges

GENRE: Puzzle

RELEASE DATE: 1990

Shockwave was actually included in Maxi-15, a "more junk-for-your-buck" unlicensed multi-cart. But it was also released as a stand-alone game because money. Control a spaceman through fifty levels of block-rocking puzzle action. Each level has glittering space jewels to collect (money) and methane fireballs to avoid. Zapping and moving the blocks is the focus of the game, and it is Run-DMC certified "trickay." When you zap a cluster of blocks with your space laser, you're actually moving the block next to it. For example, you have three blocks placed next to each other. If you zap the block on the far left, it will send the block on the far right away from you. Zap it again and it will send the middle block flying. If there is only one block and you zap it, it won't move. So in order to move any blocks around (usually to grab all the space jewels and beat the level), you need a cluster at all times. This proves difficult even within the first few levels, and you'll spend many a brain cell figuring out how to move the blocks around properly. Mess up once a la Lolo and it's time to restart the maze. There is a password system (it's a short three-letter one, praises be!) and you do have five lives, but there's also a time limit. Shockwave works the brain meats to reasonable standards, and all without Nintendo's approval. Good show!

B

#562 - Shinobi

                    It might say "Shinobi" on the box, but brother, this ain't Shinobi.

My sprite disappeared behind the scuba enemy, into the nethers of the salmon-colored house.


PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Tengen

DEVELOPER: Tengen

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: 1989

Shinobi is indeed a Sega-developed game and franchise, so yes, it is strange that any Shinobi title would pop up on the NES. Tengen, the developer of several illegal, unlicensed ports for the NES (including other Sega titles like After Burner), are the ones to blame for its presence. I typically support Tengen's efforts on the NES (Rolling Thunder in particular), but their Sega ports are visually bland, and they almost always omit features found in the arcade or Master System versions. Shinobi is serviceable, but considering the NES' hardware limitations, Tengen shouldn't have bothered.

                                         Yup... whatever you say, Ken Ohio!

In Shinobi, you play Joe Musashi, ninja tough-guy extraordinaire. He throws shurikens, he has cool ninjitsu powers, he slices people with his katana if they get too close to him. He's a regular Awesome Dude to the Max. But in the NES version, said awesomeness is taken away from him. There's no katana slicing, no nun-chucks, no grenades, and hardly any powers at all. In fact, if you don't like throwing shurikens at the same thug templates over and over, you may as well skip this ninja ride. The levels are short and easy, which are two adjectives I never thought I'd associate with Shinobi. Hostages still need to be rescued, but they're never a bother. The boss battles are tough, but only because they're cheap and glitchy. Getting caught underneath the helicopter is a recipe for death at the end of stage 2-4, but if you're behind the helicopter, it can still touch you and you won't lose any life. Zuh? Shinobi looks washed-out graphically too. None of the characters, including Joe Musashi himself, have discernible features, and the backgrounds are an odd array of textures and colors. It's enough to make a ninja cry in his ricebowl.

                                               Marilyn Monroe wishes Big Joe luck.

Despite missing features that define Shinobi, I didn't hate the game. It controls well, and if you squint hard enough, the game still slightly resembles its older, better looking brothers. But just because Shinobi doesn't inspire feelings of rage or hatred, doesn't mean it deserves a space in the NES library. It's a sad, inferior port of a great arcade game.

C-

#561 - Shingen the Ruler

                                 The finest in strategic game, eh? I'll consider.

                                         Uh... well, gee, uh... class dismissed!


PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Hot-B

DEVELOPER: Another

GENRE: Strategy

RELEASE DATE: June 1990

Unite Japan and look good doing it: this is Shingen the Ruler's objective. You begin the game with one territory, but there are twenty other territories to conquer (politely, of course) over the entire game. Like any good Koei-esque title (Shingen was developed by Another), there are two types of gameplay: strategic management and janky battle. The latter can be entertaining, if not slightly tedious. You control your cute and chunky units one at a time on the battlefield. Each of your units has a certain move radius. If you attack first, the goal is to win a field fight and a castle fight to conquer the territory. If the enemy attacks first and you win, you get money, experience, and rice (probably women too). Battles can be long and drawn out, depending on how you play, but I appreciate the way Shingen allows you to control your units; much more tactile than Koei's battles. Strategic management, on the other hand, is far less kind. Every action is performed through the convoluted menu screen. Ten obtuse abbreviations litter the left hand side of the screen, allowing you, for example, to check your WEL (Wealth), G-M (Gold Mines) and DST (Disaster Rating) among others in any given territory. Abbreviations in general are not difficult to learn, but some of these don't make any sense. How would one connect CLT with Castle? Worse yet are the twelve commands, which resemble chemical elements: Fa, Fc, Nj, Ok, I'm lost. Now, I'm not a stupid person. But when a game asks me to memorize twenty-two abbreviations from the get-go, my mind wants to blank out. If adventure games like Shadowgate could manage to print the commands in full (Look, Use, Hit, etc.), surely Shingen could have.

                                                I believe I gave the wrong order.

The longer I persevered into Shingen, the more I found it to be... a lesser Koei game. It's not for lack of trying on Shingen's part, though. Lord knows it has the ambition. There's options to do almost everything on the menu, including training Shingen's heir, Katsuyori, to become the next ruler after Shingen dies. I'm sure I'll get crap for saying so, but its overly complicated menu navigation really brings the game down. The mechanics, likewise, feel too rough around the edges, compared to Koei's typical clean interface. Decent battling aside, Shingen's not my ruler.

C-

#560 - Shatterhand

                                              David Arquette finally loses it.

                                             That green vest just screams good taste.


PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Jaleco

DEVELOPER: Natsume

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: December 1991

In Shatterhand, you play a man – let's call him Biff McLargePow – whose hands can literally cripple nations. Or at least shatter them. It's no exaggeration to say that Biff's hands do almost all of the work in this difficult action platformer. Punch, uppercut, and thrust your way through seven levels of mechanical mayhem, mayhem, MAYHEM. Shatterhand's not groundbreaking, but it employs enough unique ideas to warrant a playthrough.

The first level introduces you to Shatterhand's concepts; namely, using your hands and only your hands to destroy everything in your way. At first, you feel like a regular Schwarzenegger/Stallone hybrid, toppling metallic towers and taking down large robot walkers with just a few simple punches. But even Biffs need a helping (shatter)hand, and that's where your levitating robot buddies can assist. After acquiring three tablets with the alpha/beta insignia, a robot will appear above you and perform a certain task, depending on the tablet inscription and the order in which they were collected. Let's say you got two alpha tablets and one beta tablet in that order: the robot would fire a diagonal stream of lasers directly in front of you. There are eight different kinds of robot buddies, some more useful than others (the Flamethrower robot is too much of a pain in the heat of battle). They take damage just like you, but if you keep them out of harm's way, they will stick with you throughout the level. Also, enemies drop either small or large gold coins. Use the coins at different white platforms throughout the level to either purchase health, power-up your punch, or give you an extra life.

Shatterhand is based on a live-action television series in Japan called "Super Rescue Solbrain." The original Famicom version – entitled Tokkyuu Shirei Soul Brain – actually stars a robot instead of a man with a strong shatter hand. This makes a lot of sense, given the protagonist's insane strength. The game is probably fun in either incarnation, but strangely, I think the American version is the more ridiculous of the two, at least in conception. After playing a million and a half action platformers on the NES, very few stand out as fresh or original. Shatterhand is different, and you should totally play it.

B+

#559 - Shadowgate

Pretty intense cover for an NES game. Shadowgate got away with a fair amount, considering Nintendo's strict censoring policy.

                                  You think you've heard it all, and then....


PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Kemco

DEVELOPER: ICOM Simulations

GENRE: Adventure/Point-and-click

RELEASE DATE: December 1989

Believe it or not, the NES was home to some fantastic point-and-click adventure games. Originally released for the Mac in the late 80s (by ICOM, the same team who made Deja Vu and Uninvited), Shadowgate is a creepy puzzle-rific journey through an enchanted castle – and it doesn't skimp on the challenge. Trap doors, false paths, and monster encounters will ensure that you see the screen below numerous times throughout your journey. 

                                            I'm pretty saddened by it, myself.

The goal is to explore the castle, collect any and all items you see, and take down the Warlock Lord before he raises the Behemoth. You have a number of standard adventure game actions, like Look, Use, Hit, Move, etc. Despite the lack of a mouse, navigating between the functions isn't difficult. Every time you enter a room, take a hard look around. If you don't find many items to collect, chances are, that room has a secret wall or a hidden item. Shadowgate eases you into its lair with baby steps, but frustration will abound as you get further into the game. Many of the puzzles are beyond obtuse (paging Nintendo Power! We need your help!). One of many examples: in the second half of the castle, there's a room where you have to burn a rug with your torch to find a key, but there's no indication upon entering the room that burning the rug needs to be your course of action... unless you Look at the rug (using the Look action). But why would you, it's a rug? Your excuses don't matter to Castle Shadowgate. For the love of your God (Shadowgate in-joke), Look at everything. Also, monsters almost always need a special item to be taken down. This isn't an RPG in the slightest. Every kill, every step forward demands you to think outside the box. Use what you take. Experiment with everything. And always keep your two torches lit (torches are plentiful throughout the castle). Once your torches are snuffed, your life is soon to follow. Oh, and there's no save function, so hunker down into your butt-groove and get ready for a long, arduous trek.

             Cyclops are crafty. You never know when they might spring back to life.

If you can roll with the often-frustrating trial-and-error gameplay, there's a lot to appreciate in Shadowgate. Eerie atmosphere, haunting music, and great writing really envelop you within the castle's walls. NES ports of PC or Mac games usually stumble in their execution, but ICOM's ports always look, sound, and feel fantastic. Put down Call of Duty and dust off your thinking cap: Shadowgate will stick a poker in your cerebrum.

B+

#558 - Shadow of the Ninja

           An evil metropolis, cyborg enemies, and futuristic ninjas. Harvest Moon, this ain't.

                                                    Yup, I'm almost dead.


PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous

PUBLISHER: Natsume

DEVELOPER: Natsume

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: December 1990

Shadow of the Ninja is a cult hit, revered and championed by a small few, and forgotten by the more mainstream retro gamers who only remember select series, like Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, and Contra. Take control of Lord Hayate or Lord Kaede (or why not both in two-player co-op?) and slice your way through sixteen stages of dark, gritty action. The ninjas start off wielding simple katanas, but each stage contains different ninja weaponry like grappling hooks and shuriken for you to collect. Grappling hooks are great for long range, but are fairly weak, while shuriken are incredibly powerful but limited in number. You can also find upgrades for your katana that will allow you to slice at a longer range. Get hit too many times, though, and your upgrades and fancy weapons will disappear. Enemies range from small, mousy robots to enormous commandos with large Nerf guns. Bosses start out easy enough, but by the end of level three, you'll be hurtin'. Like many of the finest NES action titles, Shadow of the Ninja is a one-hit-and-you're-dead affair. Five continues help, and to its credit, it's not as difficult as the Ninja Gaidens. Still, you will not find yourself wanting for challenge, particularly if you're slashing solo. Fast-paced gameplay, crisp controls, and propulsive music round out the overall package, making Shadow of the Ninja worthy of its cult status.

                                                Lord Kaede slashes at the air.

Despite having a deep appreciation for Shadow of the Ninja's aesthetics, I understand why it has not taken its place in the hall of NES greats. The game's hook – controlling a ninja – had already been accomplished in Ninja Gaiden I and II (III had not yet been released prior to Shadow). And while Shadow has some features unique to it – two-player co-op and the ability to grasp on to overhangs – it pales beneath Ninja Gaiden's fuller cinematic approach to both story telling and overall presentation. Shadow of the Ninja is not a classic, but it's a damn good game, and it still deserves more recognition than it receives.

B+